Searching In The Dark

He was 19 years old and his name was Ken, or at least that’s what he called himself. Biologically speaking, Ken was born a female, with XX (not XY) chromosomes.

Convinced that his real gender was male, Ken started taking testosterone at age 18. His doctor said this would help him realize his real sex.

But - since starting on testosterone, Ken became aggressive and explosive. This resulted in one brief stay in jail and three psychiatric hospitalizations, each time due to violent behavior.

Within short order, it became quite clear to me that Ken had no idea who he really was. He was groping, searching in the dark, to find his real self. Something most all of us do at some point in our lives. It all starts with identity.

On day #3 of his hospitalization, Ken started yelling at another patient who was making fun of him. When a staff member stepped in to try to calm things down, Ken lost total control. He proceeded to punch everyone in sight. It took ten of us to get him to the ground and hold him there. Ultimately, the police had to be called and handcuffed him.

“Testosterone, testosterone, too too much testosterone.”

There is such an overwhelming lack of identity these days. There are so many who are lost. People are injecting themselves with all sorts of hormones and have no idea what the consequences are.

As soon as Ken was in the police car, he announced that he was suicidal. So the police drove him to a different psychiatric hospital.

The beat goes on…