“How To Handle A Woman…”

It was Alan Jay Lerner, the famous lyricist, who wrote these ridiculous words in the musical Camelot:

“How to handle a woman?…”

To which he offered an answer:

“Simply love her, love her, love her….”

Now…if you do your research, you will see that Lerner himself was married eight times!  Why?  I can’t say for sure but the phrase, ‘handling a woman’, certainly smacks of selfish desire.  ‘Loving her’ was more about Lerner’s needs, not theirs.  And so his wives all waved him goodbye…

Legend has it that the renowned marriage relationship psychologist, John Gottman, once advised a husband with marital woes to simply go home and ask his wife what her dreams are. And so he did, and she responded, with a loving smile,

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Love starts with true empathy:  active listening, putting yourself in her shoes, connecting with her inner world.

Love in marriage is all about giving to your spouse, making her needs more important than yours.

Goodness

With each day of the world’s creation, there is a repetitive phrase: “it was good”.   

Why?

Let me speculate that the world, the essence of life, of human beings , is goodness.  The problem is that this goodness too often can get covered over.

“Look at all men favorably!”, the sages have told us.  Even those who have performed horrific acts still have a soul inside of them . 

As a psychiatrist, I have  often witnessed the impact on someone when you focus on their innate goodness rather than their negative traits. 

(Besides, when we see negative in others, it may well be our own reflection.

So be careful!)

Make the effort - practice, practice! - at viewing others through a positive lens.

And like magic, this will wonderfully affect them - as well as yourself.

Who We Are

Our soul is that still soft voice that we hear at those moments when we feel a profound sense of belonging.  The soul is hidden, within our body, but it is the essence of who we really are.  We are all searchers, yearning for connection. We can try to distract our lives with material stuff, but inevitably it won’t last long.  We wind up feeling a certain emptiness which can lead to all sorts of anxieties and depressions, and that’s one way to keep psychiatrists in business.