top of page

Too Late

Tom was 60 years old when he told me about his 85 year old father who was losing his memory. Tom described how for decades he felt intense anger toward his father.  But now, with his father aging so with dementia, Tom sat slumped in my office chair, crying.



Sure, his father had made mistakes when Tom was a boy.  He yelled at him to go to bed when it turned out that his arm was fractured. He never took the time to go to any of Tom’s sporting events. He didn’t let Tom transfer to the high school of his choice. He hit Tom when he disrespected his mother.



As the years went by, his father did say he was sorry, many times. But Tom’s resentment was too intense and he could not bring himself to forgive.  In fact, as time moved on, Tom’s anger seemed to grow even stronger and he openly told his father many times that he couldn’t wait for him to die…..





As a psychiatrist, this is a scene I have sadly witnessed all too often:  an adult son who harbors years of anger and resentment.   An adult son who is too proud to forgive.  An adult son who never takes the time to look at himself.   



Certainly, I cannot say that I have ever met a perfect Mom or Dad.  But short of significant abuse, forgiveness is one of the greatest things that we can do. With forgiveness, we can break the seeming irreversibility of the past.



As the Beatles sang, “Life is very short…”

5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Charge!

Healthy people confront their issues; and confront them again; and again. Unhealthy people resign.

Trouble

Know your emotions, yes!, be in touch with your emotions, yes!, but if your emotions alone determine your behavior, you’ll get yourself...

A Mirror

A lot of us have a hard time looking at ourselves.  One cure for this is that when you look at others, and especially if you see their...

Comments


The content on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never ignore professional medical advice in seeking treatment because of something you have read or heard on this website. If you think you may have a medical emergency, immediately call your doctor or dial 911. If you are having suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area at any time. If you are located outside the United States, call your local emergency line immediately.

bottom of page