Bring Me A Higher Love!

Dear Dr. Guterson - how can I love my wife better? A: Marriage and love are all about giving to your spouse - her needs are more important than yours. The famous lyricist, Alan Jay Lerner, wrote the lyrics of a song in the musical ‘Camelot’ that went like this: “How to handle a woman?.. simply love her, love her, love her” And then Lerner himself was married eight times! Why? I can’t say for sure but the phrase ‘handling’ a woman to me smacks of selfish desire. So then ‘loving her’ was more about Lerner than her. Obviously, I was never Lerner’s psychiatrist but just a thought. My basic answer is that it starts with true empathy. Active listening; putting yourself in her shoes; connecting with her inner world as best you can. Knowing her love language (touching; quality time; words of affirmation; gifts; acts of service) is always a good place to start. Then you are truly “loving her, loving her, loving her.”