The story goes that a young man was running through the market place. A rabbi asked him why he was rushing so. The young man said: “I’m running after my livelihood”, to which the rabbi responded, “how do you know your livelihood is in front of you? Maybe it’s behind you and you’re running away from it.” Where are we going? That is the question. Patients in a psychiatric hospital are always asking when they can leave. But where are they going next? We the doctors, nurses, and social workers certainly make sure that our patients will have a place to live and a place to continue their mental health treatment after they leave the hospital. But that is only in the physical sense. The larger question is: where, ultimately, are they going? In fact, where are we all going? What do we do with our time? With all our rushing about, are we moving in the right direction? I am reminded of the powerful 1982 film,“An Officer and a Gentleman”. In my mind, the most poignant scene is when the tough Seargent Foley puts officer-to-be Zack through hell and then torments him to quit the naval aviation training: “You’re out!”, Foley yells. Zack’s response is intense and we, the audience , are drawn into his emotion, his frantic desperation. Feeling lost and alone, Zack breaks down and cries out: “I got nowhere else to go.” These words, “I got nowhere else to go” are the same words I hear from my patients. They are words that I suspect we all cry out at one time or another. They are part of our journey, and hopefully we find our way.
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"Ramblings on the Psych Ward"
Dr. G: what made you become a psychiatrist?
A: To become a psychiatrist, one first needs to go to medical school. I chose to become a doctor in part because at the age of 20 my life was saved by doctors (see this week’s video #3). Also, I felt that the study of medicine, of the human brain and body, was essentially the study of G-d’s creation and that excited me. Finally, my parents raised me with a desire to do work that directly helps others.
As for the specific field of psychiatry, I have always been fascinated with the human journey, with the specifics of what people think about and what they do.
Quite simply, I found psychiatry to be the field of medicine where science intersects with spirituality in a most revealed way.
While others in medical school seemed to be captivated by peering into a microscope or looking into a child’s ear, my passion was - and remains - the human psyche and soul.
Jimmy was 31 years old and during his first week in the psychiatric hospital, he yelled the same thing at me every day: “F… you, Dr. Guterson. Get me out of this sh..hole.”
When one works in a psychiatric hospital, words like these are commonplace.
The words we use. Speech. The sages tell us that the entire world was created through Divine speech. G-d ‘spoke’, whatever that means, and then there was light and vegetation and stars and fish and animals. Words that create physical reality.
But there is more to this. If the world was created by way of Divine speech, it follows that G-d wants to dialogue with us and us with
G-d, to have a relationship. That’s what our soul is all about. That’s why prayer, as research as shown, is such a powerful part of positive mental health.
We humans crave connection, not just with G-d but with others. Through speaking our hopes, our fears, our dreams with others, we can open up beautiful gates of communication, of closeness.
Jimmy’s primary words were expletives. They shielded him, protected him. It was his way of venting his anger. I asked him if he could try different words but he insisted that this is how he talks, how everyone he knows talks. He said he would never change.
He then asked me to try saying some swear words, to see what it feels like to talk that way. I thanked him for his kind offer, but declined - and this led to him swearing at me some more.
You win a few, you lose a few.